frequently asked questions
What is Back to Sex Coaching?
Back to Sex Coaching and Sexological Bodywork is for those who feel disconnected from their sexuality possibly for a long time, for various reasons, who want to reclaim their sexuality.
These are some of the areas I can assist you:
- overcome sexual shame and guilt;
- forming a deeper and loving connection with your body and with your genitals;
- feeling more embodied, confident and present in your body;
- build sexual confidence and self acceptance;
- improve lack of sensation or numbness during sex;
- open up to more pleasure in your life;
- lack of libido and/or arousal;
- becoming orgasmic or more orgasmic;
- improve pelvic tensions/aches/cramps;
- work around erectile dysfunction;
- improve scar tissue (scar tissue remediation) such as after hernia- or anal surgery, hysterectomy, caesarean section, episiotomy and gender affirming surgery;
- improve communication with your partner, transcend your routine, and strengthen your sexual connection with yourself and others;
- reclaim sexuality after rape or abuse;
Besides the option to work directly with the body in Sexological bodywork sessions, we might explore:
- personal and cultural messages and myths about sex and how we have been shaped by these;
- taking stock of what no longer serves you and exploring ways to release old patterns;
- shame-busting and building sexual confidence;
- consent, boundaries & safety;
- explore your own sexual history;
- what does ‘radical self love’ mean when we look at our sexuality?
- explore and address your personal pain points around sex and sexuality;
- find your authentic sexual voice;
- solo sex/ self pleasure/ masturbation;
- gender and sex; sexual orientation and sexual expression;
- explore the anatomy of arousal;
- sex and relationship styles – monogamy/ non-monogamy/ polyamory- alternative relationship styles;
You decide what you want to focus on and together we will set goals for the the work together.
I am nervous but interested in coming to a session, what now?
It is completely natural to be nervous- and I know that reaching out for support, especially in the area of sex, can feel quite vulnerable. I honour each and everyone who does so, knowing from my own journey just how hard this can be.
You can contact me via email firstname.lastname@example.org and tell me a bit about yourself and what you might want to work on. I will send you a brief questionnaire and we can then arrange a free 30 min Discovery call. You can book it HERE.
This is an opportunity see whether we are a good match for each other as client and practitioner and for you to ask me any questions. We can then schedule a first session and I will send you an intake form to complete and return before the first session.
What happens in a first Somatic Sex Education/ Sexological Bodywork session?
In the first session we we will look at your intake form together and chat about what might be the best way forward to address any issues you would like support with.
To lay a solid, safe foundation for any sexological bodywork, we will focus in the first session usually on (clothes-on) exercises in body-and sensory awareness, conscious breathing and games exploring boundaries and consent. Through guided exercises you can become clear on your boundaries, your yesses, nos and maybes and how to communicate them. Depending on your needs and wishes and what we have discussed we might also engage in some hands-on bodywork in a first session.
I believe that creativity can assist us well in our embodied enquiries and so I also offer creative choices such as free-writing, creating life-size body maps, drawing etc. in sessions.
How much does it cost?
Back to Sex coaching sessions come in a bundle of 6 sessions over three months – the programme is £650.
Sexological Bodywork sessions and somatic sex education are 2 hour sessions and take place near Brighton in my beautiful private cabin. Single session is £220, session bundles are available.
How long are the sessions?
Coaching sessions are 1 hour.
Sexological Bodywork sessions and Breathwork sessions are 2 hours minimum.
Ongoing regular one-to-one ‘Back to Sex Coaching’ sessions are usually 1 hour via zoom or face to face. The first Back to Sex coaching session is 1.5 hours.
If we create a ritual/ rite of passage ceremony we might schedule a longer session.
I also offer retreats at PHOENIX NEST for people who travel further with an option to have two sessions in a day or several sessions over a few days. Please enquire! To read more about PHOENIX NEST RETREATS & IMMERSIONS read HERE
What about confidentiality?
Anything that happens in our sessions is completely confidential.
I do attend regular supervision with a supervisor who is also a certified sexological bodyworkers to ensure best practice. This is the only place where I speak about the sessions and those sessions are confidential.
Where do the sessions take place?
Face to face work take place at PHOENIX NEST in my beautiful studio in Saltdean near Brighton, UK.
I coach via zoom or phone worldwide. There is free parking in the street and it is accessible by public transport.
Is your cabin wheelchair accessible?
Unfortunately it is not. I apologise- due to the very steep nature of the garden it is impossible to adapt it in any way to make it wheel chair accessible. I sincerely apologise.
Do you work with trauma?
Yes. As Somatic Sex Educators and Sexological Bodyworkers we are ‘trauma-informed practitioners’, which means that we have an understanding of trauma and how it presents in the body and how we can work to unwind and release trauma in the body.
I have also worked with trauma as an Art Psychotherapist and am trained with Certified Sexological Bodyworkers who specialise in trauma.
I am however not a trauma specialist. Your safety is paramount- if you want to work specifically on abuse and trauma-related issues, I might refer you to a colleague who works specifically with trauma in sexuality. Should we decide to work together, I might suggest that you also work with a qualified counsellor or psychotherapist alongside the sexological bodywork. Each person is different and I am very happy to discuss this with you initially.
Can I have Sexological bodywork sessions while I also see a therapist?
Yes. Sexological Bodywork sessions can at times work very well in addition to counselling, psychotherapy or psychosexual counselling.
Bodywork might support the talking therapy, if there is a particular issue that can be addressed with and through the body. I might suggest that we have a discussion between you, your therapist and me as the bodyworker to agree the framework and best way of working and have transparency.
How many sessions will I need?
This depends on your individual needs and pace- some issues can be resolved fairly quickly, while other challenges might take longer to explore and resolve.
Some people find a short series of sessions beneficial, others choose regular sessions over months or even years, particularly if working to change trauma responses.
You can expect to be able to apply what you learn from the first session in your life and it is also important that you don’t put yourself under pressure to resolve issues quickly.
I recommend that ideally you give yourself an opportunity to meet your long term goals, in order to create lasting changes and transfer your learning into your day to day life.
In terms of Back to Sex-coaching I now work with a minimum of 3-months programme- after the programme we can talk about if you want to continue to work with me in some way or whether the work is complete.
Will there be nudity involved in the sessions?
During sexological bodywork sessions you can choose whether to be naked or how much to wear. You are always in choice and your level of comfort is paramount. Sessions can be fully clothed if you chose to. I will stay clothed in all sessions.
One to one Back to Sex Coaching session and the ‘Back to Sex- workshop do not include any nudity.
Can I touch you?
As sexological bodyworker I practice within a clear ethical framework. I always remain clothed in sessions and touch is one way- from me to you.
Receiving one way touch in the sessions gives you an opportunity to completely focus on your own body as a source of pleasure and eroticism- feeling into what kind of touch you would like, learning and practicing to communicate your wants and needs.
Many clients have expressed how being able to receive touch without any focus or pressure to reciprocate can be a powerful and empowering experience.
An exception is when I teach Betty Martin’s ‘Wheel of Consent’- then, as part of an exercise, touch can be two-way. We will be clothed for this and touch will not involve genitals or breasts in this context.
Are you open to working with people who live alternative lifestyles and relationship models such as polyamorous, non-monogamy, conscious kink etc and members of the LGBTQ community?
Yes, absolutely. I support all relationship models, alternative lifestyles and I work in an LGBTQ affirmative way. I am LGBTQ /queer identified and have personal experience in conscious kink and alternative relationship styles.
Do I have to have a partner(s) in order to attend a session or benefit from Back to Sex sessions?
Absolutely not. The focus in the sessions is on yourself first and foremost, supporting you to reconnect with your own sense of eroticism & sexuality.
Sometimes in order to get back to sex it is helpful to start to first get to know yourself (again) erotically and find fitting ways to become more embodied. It is much easier to connect with another/others once you know yourself better sexually, your likes, wants, desires, boundaries what gives you pleasure, turns you on etc.
Do you give home work/practice between sessions?
Yes, often I suggest some practices you can try at home between sessions. This is of course up to you and is an opportunity to put things we have explored into practice and you can bring your experiences, triumphs and challenges back to the next session. Home practice will help you to get more benefit from your sessions. I can also suggest books and other resources.
What is your training/ qualification?
I qualified as a Somatic Sex Educator and Sexological Bodyworker with the Canadian Somatic Sex Educators Association, and have trained with Caffyn Jesse, Captain Snowdon and Corinne Diachuk.
I am also a graduate of Barbara Carrellas Urban Tantra® Professional Training and worked extensively with other teachers in the area of conscious sexuality such as Cindy Darnell, Rebecca Lowrie, Lee Harrington, Seani Love and Betty Martin.
I am also a qualified Art Psychotherapist with twenty years of experience in Art Therapy and the therapeutic uses of art and creativity, especially in the field of mental health and wellbeing.
I trained as a Breathwork Practitioner (Rebirthing Breathwork) and Firewalk Instructor and in shamanic practices with the Scandinavian Centre of shamanic studies (Jonathan Horwitz and other teachers), such as shamanic counselling, shamanic healing, soul retrieval and as a Creativity Coach(with Eric Maisel and the American Creativity Association.) I have facilitated workshops retreats for 25 years and all trainings and life experience inform my practice.
Can I do individual coaching or sexological bodywork sessions and attend a course or workshop at the same time?
Yes. Often people have a preference for either group work or individual work. Both ways have advantages and I believe that a combination of individual coaching which supports you with tailor-made tools and group work can be one of the most effective ways to overcome obstacles and help you move forward with your goals.
Do you work with couples?
Currently I don’t work with couples, pairs or poly groups. I can however refer you to colleagues who do.
I am very happy to explore challenges you experience in your relationship(s) within our session.
Why should I come to a group, retreat or workshop?
When we experience sexual obstacles, we might feel that we have a problem so unique or difficult that no one can understand us or relate to us. It can feel daunting to attend a workshop, but often a sense of isolation might lessen quickly and although we might face individual challenges, a lot of the underlying feelings- of isolation, failure, feeling broken or hopeless- can be similar, or have resonance amongst fellow participants. Safely held workshops can be confidential containers in which participants feel heard and seen.
If you have any questions that you don’t find answered here, please get in touch and I’ll be happy to answer them.