It can be scary to embark on a journey back to sex. To make a first step or even think about it.
We might dread facing our fears. We might feel hopeless, ashamed or even broken. Maybe it’s been a very long time long since we’ve had sex. We might fear change or doubt that things can ever change for us.
We might try and convince ourselves that sex is not really that important and compensate with other things: exciting projects, food, work, alcohol, exercise, travel…
Or we might use creativity to make up for a lack of sex and sexual connection in our lives- something I’ve known well.
At times when sex was lacking in my life, at least when I was creating I could feel alive. It did not resolve my longing to be sexually connected, but nourished me to some extent and while I immersed myself in creative work I could temporarily forget what I was craving.
I’m not saying there is anything wrong with this.
But I do believe that sex is important and that it is worth to cultivate pleasure and an authentic erotic and sexual life.
So, why is sex important? Why do we have it?
And why might it be worth taking a risk to embark on a journey back to sex?
What’s most mentioned when I ask this question is CONNECTION.
Sex can make us feel alive and connected—to ourselves, to another / others and to life.
Sex can be expansive, joyful, even ecstatic; it can still our skin-hunger and satisfy our need for closeness and touch.
We have sex because we’re curious or turned on- because we’re horny or attracted to someone. We want pleasure and orgasms and the buzz we get.
Sex can make us feel cherished, loved and nourished- helped by a whole cocktail of hormones that are released.
We might feel sexy, desirable and desired, strong and powerful. We can express our emotions and personality through sex.
Sex can plunge us into the present moment and is the most powerful life force energy- it might make us feel energised, creative and connected to something bigger than our everyday selves.
Sex helps us de-stress and release tension; it can be comforting, relaxing, playful and support us in emotionally challenging times.
Sex can be fun and funny.
And yes, there is of course procreation- we have sex to make babies.
We can have beautiful, expansive experiences of sex with others or with ourselves in self pleasure/ masturbation. All these are wonderful motivations for sex.
There are also some shadow aspects: we might be feeling a sense of duty or pressure to have sex; we might feel insecure and fear if we are not consenting to sex, our partner might seek it elsewhere; we might get coerced into having sex.
Such experiences might leave us not wanting sex at all. And there are other reasons why we might become disconnected from our sexuality or given up on sex- illness, life changes, challenges around orgasm, pain, menopause etc.
But sex matters.
Our sexuality matters.
Your pleasure, wellbeing and joy matters.
And no matter how long it’s been or where you got stuck, I believe there is always a way forward to connecting with your sexual and erotic energy.
And the journey back to sex can be an amazing adventure!
For me it’s been the most rewarding and exciting journey of my life and I am so excited to share with you what I found that worked along the way.
It is never too late to reconnect with pleasure!
Drop me a line if you would like to connect for a free chat about how Back to Sex can support you to re-ignite your sexuality and overcome obstacles to pleasure and intimacy.